How the quiz works
You rate sixteen statements about how you feel in close relationships. Half of them measure worry about the relationship: how much you fear being left or not loved enough. The other half measure discomfort with closeness: how much you prefer to keep some distance and rely on yourself. Your two scores place you in one of four styles.
- Secure: low worry, comfortable with closeness.
- Anxious: high worry, wants closeness.
- Avoidant: low worry, uncomfortable with closeness.
- Fearful-avoidant: high worry and uncomfortable with closeness.
The two-axis approach comes from research on adult attachment by Kim Bartholomew, Phillip Shaver, Chris Fraley and others. The statements here are our own, written to be quick and plain. They are not a clinical measure.
The couple version
Your style says something about you. Your pairing says more about your relationship. After seeing your result, you can send the quiz to your partner. They answer on their own, and the result shows both of you on the same chart, with a note on how your styles tend to interact.
The best-known pairing is anxious with avoidant. An anxious-avoidant relationship often runs on the pursue-withdraw loop: one partner reaches for closeness, the other feels crowded and steps back, and each reaction makes the other stronger. It is very common. Seeing it on a chart together is often the first time a couple sees it as a pattern rather than as each other's fault.
A style is a tendency, not a label
Most people sit closer to the middle than the four names suggest. Your result can also shift with the relationship you are in, with stress, and over time. Research suggests people tend to become more secure in relationships where both partners respond reliably.
So use the result as a conversation starter. What do you each need when you feel unsure? What does pulling back look like for you, and what would help you come back? If the same argument keeps repeating, the conflict style quiz looks at the same loop from a different angle.