Check whether a shared conversation is appropriate

If contact involves intimidation, harassment or fear, seek confidential specialist advice before starting a joint chat. High-conflict situations may need professional support or a communication service recognised by the relevant court. Unium is not a legal service, a safeguarding assessment or a court communication system.

This guide is a discussion aid for parents who can safely choose to communicate. It does not replace legal advice, court orders or existing arrangements. Cafcass's Our Child's Plan, a resource from England, offers a structured way to record practical arrangements around a child's needs.

Write down the current arrangement first

Start with the schedule you are working from, handover times and locations, and how changes are requested. Distinguish an agreed arrangement from a suggestion and something you still dispute. A shared record gives you something to check when you remember a conversation differently; it does not establish whose memory is right. If you are still choosing a pattern, the free co-parenting schedule maker compares the common ones side by side and exports the next six months to a calendar.

Keep the record proportionate. Avoid adding a child's sensitive documents or information about other people when it is not needed. Do not ask the child to deliver messages between you.

Make one practical request

Name the date, the change you are asking for, the reason it affects the arrangements, and when you need a response. Keep discussion of the former relationship separate from the logistics.

“My work shift has changed on Thursday. Can you collect at 5 instead of 6? If that does not work, I can ask for a shift swap. Please let me know by Tuesday evening.”

A request is not an agreement until the other parent accepts it. Silence or an AI summary should not be treated as consent.

Cover the details that change the plan

For each topic, note what is settled and what needs another conversation:

  • Schedules and handovers: who, where, when, and what to do about delays.
  • Costs: which expense, the amount, who proposes paying what, and whether it is agreed.
  • School and health: what information needs sharing and who will take the next action.
  • Changes: how much notice to ask for and how an urgent change is communicated.

Check legal or financial questions with someone qualified in your location. A convenient calculation or written note does not change anyone's legal obligations.

Ask for a summary, then both check it

If you both choose a shared Unium chat, check its membership before writing: chats are shared with account members by default. Each parent can add their own words and ask the AI to organise them. This is an optional writing tool, not a guarantee of neutral mediation or a tamper-proof record.

“List confirmed arrangements with dates and responsible people. Put proposals and disagreements in separate lists. Do not infer agreement from silence. Ask each of us to correct the summary.”

Check the dates, names and status of every item yourself. Keep any record you need through the channel your adviser or existing arrangements require. For the broader decision around ending a relationship, see staying together or separating.