How the check works

Each of you rates the same eighteen statements, on your own, from strongly disagree to strongly agree. When you have both finished, the statements where you are two or more steps apart come first, each with a question to open the conversation. Statements one step apart are listed next. The ones you agree on are folded away at the bottom.

You can do it on one device, handing it over between turns, or each on your own phone. If you use two phones, the first person's answers travel inside the link they send. The second person only sees them after answering.

Why couples fight about money

Money arguments are rarely about the amount. They are about what money means: security for one person, freedom for the other, a way of caring for family, or a source of shame from childhood. Two people can look at the same bank balance and feel very differently about it.

That is why this check asks about attitudes rather than numbers. A saver and a spender can do perfectly well together once they agree on the rules: what is shared, what each person keeps, and when to check in before spending.

What to do with the result

  • Start with one gap, not all of them. Pick the widest one and use its question to begin.
  • Talk about the why before the rule. "Why does this matter to you?" comes before "So what should we do?"
  • Agree something small and concrete. For example, "we check with each other above a set amount" or "we each keep a monthly allowance".
  • Put numbers in when you are ready. The split bills by income calculator compares three fair ways to share costs when you earn different amounts.

If one of you controls the other's access to money, or keeps the other from working, that is not a difference in money values. It is a form of abuse, and a domestic abuse service can help you think through your options in confidence. Find A Helpline lists free ones in your country.

All 18 money questions for couples

Each statement is one the check asks you both to rate, followed by the question to talk through if your answers differ.

Saving and spending

  1. Saving for the future matters more to me than enjoying money now. What would "enough savings" look like to each of us, and why that number?
  2. Spending on experiences, like travel, is worth more than spending on things. What did each of us spend on last month that felt most worth it?
  3. Gifts and celebrations are worth spending real money on. What would a birthday or anniversary that felt right cost, for each of us?
  4. I am comfortable carrying some debt, like a credit card balance. What debt does each of us have today, and how does it feel to carry it?
  5. Investing our savings, rather than keeping them as cash, is the right move. How much could we lose on paper without either of us losing sleep?
  6. Taking a career risk, like starting a business, is worth a drop in income. If one of us wanted to take a risk, how many months of lower income could we live with?

Sharing money

  1. Couples should pool all their money into joint accounts. Joint, separate, or both: what would each of us want to keep as our own?
  2. Each of us should have money to spend with no questions asked. How much a month should each of us spend freely, without explaining it?
  3. I would want a heads-up before my partner makes any big purchase. Above what amount should we check with each other first?
  4. The person who earns more should pay more of the shared costs. Should we split by income, 50/50, or so we each keep the same amount? Try the bill calculator together.
  5. We should agree together on any big purchase, like a car or a holiday. Which purchases should always be a joint decision?
  6. I want us to have a written budget. What would a budget give each of us: control, calm, or a feeling of being watched?

Honesty and history

  1. I already know roughly what my partner earns, saves and owes. Could we each share our full picture: income, savings, debts, and anything owed to family?
  2. I would be upset to find out my partner hid a purchase from me. What would each of us want to be told about, even when it is awkward?
  3. Talking about money makes me anxious. What was money like in the homes we each grew up in?
  4. I check my bank balance or budget at least once a week. Who should keep an eye on the shared numbers, and how often should we look together?

Family and the future

  1. Helping my family financially is something I expect to do. Who in our families might need help in the next few years, and how much could we give?
  2. Owning a home is an important goal for me. Where and when would buying make sense for us, and what would we give up for it?