How the check works

Each of you rates eighteen statements about the home, daily life, guests, money and what moving in means, on your own. Then you see them side by side. The widest gaps come first, each with a question to start the conversation, and the ones you already agree on are folded away.

Use one phone and hand it over between turns, or send a link so each of you answers on your own device. The person answering second never sees the first set of answers until they finish.

The questions that matter are small

Couples rarely split up over the big decision to live together. Trouble usually comes from the daily details nobody thought to discuss. How clean is clean, and how often do friends drop by? Who buys the toilet roll? Can one of you have an evening alone without the other taking it personally?

These are easy to agree on before the move and surprisingly hard to renegotiate after it, once habits have set. That is why this check spends more time on evenings and guests than on whether you love each other.

Turning gaps into house rules

  • Pick the three widest gaps and agree one practical rule for each, for example "a text before guests come over" or "Sunday is a no-plans day".
  • Write the rules down somewhere you can both see them, and agree to review them after the first month.
  • Sort out the money in numbers, not feelings. The bill split calculator shows three fair ways to share rent when your incomes differ.
  • Check the chores after a few weeks. The chore split check shows whether you see the division of work the same way.

The moving-in conversation is also a good moment to talk about the unromantic question: what happens to the home if it does not work out. Agreeing that while you are happy is far easier than later.

All 18 questions to ask before moving in together

Each statement is one the check asks you both to rate, followed by the question to talk through if your answers differ.

The home

  1. A tidy home matters a lot to me, every day, not just before guests. What does "clean enough" look like to each of us, room by room?
  2. I need a space in the home that is mine, even if it is small. Where could each of us go to be alone, and how would we signal that we need it?
  3. I am fine with clutter as long as it is not in shared rooms. Which rooms are shared and which can each of us keep our own way?
  4. Our home should feel like both of ours, even if one of us moves into the other's place. What would make this feel like your home too, not just mine?

Daily life

  1. I want us to split the chores evenly, not by who notices first. Which jobs do we each actually mind doing? Try the chore split check after the move.
  2. I like quiet evenings at home most nights. How many evenings a week does each of us want in, out, or apart?
  3. I expect us to eat most dinners together. What would a normal weekday evening look like for us?
  4. I need regular time alone at home, with nobody else around. How much alone time does each of us need, and how would we arrange it?
  5. Different sleep schedules would bother me. What time does each of us go to bed and get up, and what happens to the light and noise?

Guests and family

  1. Friends dropping by without much notice is fine with me. How much notice does each of us want before guests come over?
  2. Family staying with us for a week or more would be fine. Who might come to stay, how often, and for how long would feel comfortable?
  3. A partner staying over regularly before we move in is basically living together already. What actually changes for each of us when the lease has both names on it?

Money

  1. We should split rent and bills in proportion to what we each earn. Should we split by income, 50/50, or so we each keep the same amount? Try the bill calculator.
  2. Groceries and household things should come from a shared pot. Which costs are shared, which are personal, and who tracks them?
  3. Both our names should be on the lease or the deed. What happens to the home, and to each of us, if we break up?

The bigger picture

  1. Moving in is a step towards marriage or a long-term commitment for me. What does moving in mean to each of us, and what do we expect a year from now?
  2. I would be happy to stay in this area for several years. Where does each of us see ourselves living in three years?
  3. If it is not working after a while, we should be able to talk about moving out without it meaning a breakup. What would we do if living together turns out to be harder than we expected?